What Defines Being “Self-Absorbed”?

Updated: Feb 7

I spend a lot of time listening to audio books that are available for streaming through my local library. Just like a traditional library, what I listen to on any particular day depends on what’s available to check out. When my personal list is low or empty, I find myself listening to books that wouldn’t be my 1st choice otherwise. “Girl, Wash Your Face” by Rachel Hollis was one of those books. It looked a little “young” for my age demographic, but I thought why not. A couple chapters in I realized I was right about the age demographic, but thought…WOW…this is something my daughter could really benefit from so I continued listening so I could give a full review and know if she would benefit from the time spent listening.


Although many topics applied to my daughter, the one topic I noted I wanted to write about isn’t necessarily one of those and it has to do with plastic surgery. Both in the book and on her online blog she admits to having a boob job. “Hmmm… How do I explain this delicately? When I got pregnant the first time I had lovely little B-cups. I loved them and they loved me back. After the baby was born, the milk came in and those lovely B’s became E-cups. No, that’s not a typo, that’s a cup size, E… as in Elephant… as in Enormous… as in YOWZA! So the twins went from little to big and since I had two more children, they did it two more times! Then, after Ford was born, I started exercising more and eating better and I maintained a smaller weight and what was already a little bit of a sad state became… nothing. I don’t mean that they were worn out… I don’t mean that they looked tired… I mean that there was nothing there, no filler, no cushion… the cup in this case, was definitely half empty. So whereas before I’d never really thought about my breasts much, now I noticed them all the time. I hated to wear a bathing suit, I hated to go without a bra… or even worse, topless. Mostly, I hated how focused I was on something so trivial.”



Now, let me note, because I don’t have a hard copy of her book I’m going to be paraphrasing the rest of her story. Because she writes about everything else in her life, she eventually chose to share this nugget with her followers as well. That choice didn’t come lightly though. How does a young woman, who writes about self-empowerment and acceptance, share that she hated something specific about herself, had plastic surgery to “fix” it and has no regrets? She knew there would be woman who cheered her on and woman who would say “you’re an embarrassment to feminists everywhere!!”, yet she spoke her truth.


Now, jump ahead to an article I read yesterday about pop star Pink saying there is no chance she’ll go under the knife for plastic surgery. She recently tweeted a letter she write to herself “I see lines. Especially when you smile. Your nose is getting bigger. You look (and feel) weird as you get used to this new reality. But your nose looks like your kids, and your face wrinkles where you laugh. And yeah you idiot..u smoked. Every once in a while you consider altering your face, and then you watch a show where you want to see what the person is feeling… and their face doesn’t move. I’m cannot get behind it. I just can’t, I want my children to know what I look like when I’m angry.”


Two woman with totally different perspective and NEITHER IS WRONG. What Rachel Hollis narrowed in on, is being true to YOU and what will make YOU happy. Not allowing the pressures or expectations of others dictate what makes you feel amazing each and every day. She went on to talk about defining your personal style, whatever that is, and embracing it. For me, I feel my best when I’m in a pair of jeans, have a nice sporty sweat shirt or blouse on, do my hair in something other than a pony tail, apply some mascara and lipstick, and top it off with some jewelry. It’s pretty simple, yet like many of us I get lazy. NOW here is where I admit my connection to Rachel Hollis and why I’m here writing this blog post. For the 1st time in my life I’ve thought seriously about plastic surgery. In my 20’s I was in a car accident that left me with a broken neck. As a result of my brace I was left with a scar above each eye brow from the screws that held my brace in place. When the brace came off, it was an option to have those scars fixed with some minor plastic surgery and I chose not to. I honestly felt like I had earned those scars and wanted to wear them proudly. Now I’ve never thought twice about those scars, but now in my 50’s I have a droopy eye lid that’s starting to drive me crazy. When I see photos of myself all I can see is that droopy eye. So if someone handed me a wad of money to cover the cost of having an eye list in the next 10 years, I’d not blink twice and DO IT!! Not because anyone is telling me I look horrible or because I’m the same age as Jennifer Lopez and have wild expectations of looking like that at 50, but because it would make ME feel better.


Rachel Hollis touched on the women who love their makeup and won’t leave home without it. She talks about the athletic women whose lives revolve around their workouts and the gym. She touched on women whose lives revolve around fashion and the clothes that make them feel confident. Lastly, the natural women who choose not to focus on any of these previous topics. At the end of the day, the message she was trying to relay through her plastic surgery story is the foundation of what we are trying to teach our sparklers in workshops and our followers on social media… EMBRACE YOU! Take the time to do whatever makes YOU feel the most authentic and confident and encourage the women around you do the same.


- Michelle

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